Difficult customers

When Mr F. comes to the pharmacy with his wife, which is often the case due to a chronic illness, the wife has nothing to laugh about - this also applies to PTA Anne G. behind the HV. Mr F. likes to run his wife‘s mouth and extends this behaviour to the PTA. There are days when Anne G. copes with it casually, when she is well rested and feels good. And then there are the days when Anne G. almost feels like bursting with rage inside. This anger weighs on her and once Mr. and Mrs. F. have left, it takes quite a while until PTA‘s pulse beats at the normal rate again. So the inner rage only harms Anne G. herself, because Mr. F. does not change, that much is certain. In an acute anger situation of this kind, there is a powerful instrument: breathing. Unfortunately, you cannot hide behind the HV or avoid the situation in any other way. Escape is impossible. So the first thing to do is to take a deep breath and exhale as slowly as possible. Also Mr F. must have that much time. Why does proper breathing actually calm the body? In Anne G‘s anger at Mr F., stress arises, reactions of the sympathetic nervous system ramp up, the pulse rises, one breathes shallower and faster. If you now consciously control your own breathing towards slow and deep, you give impulses to the parasympathetic nervous system and the body can relax. The arousal level drops, you gain distance, even if people like Mr F. are still standing right in front of you.

Armed in this way, it is also easier to meet Mr. F. in a way you may never have tried before, namely with a certain understanding and a certain basic assumption. Understanding in the sense of »who knows why he has become like this, why he needs to behave like this«. And with the basic assumption that he does not mean Anne G. personally with his insolence. This does not make Mr F‘s behaviour any better, but it does make it easier to deal with it. To be able to take these steps, empathy is also needed towards difficult customers. »What, how am I supposed to be empathetic with him?«, one may ask oneself indignantly. This is helped by the insight formulated by George J. Thompson in his US longseller »Verbal Judo«: the author, an professor in English, karate master and former policeman, is sure that you don‘t have to like your angry counterpart to try and empathise with him, because it is about empathy and not sympathy. This is not an easy exercise when another person always makes you bitter, it takes a little effort, but this path can lead to one‘s own relaxation and that of the situation at hand. Thompson mentions a key sentence that can take the wind out of the sails of difficult contemporaries, or at least the chances of doing so are not bad. The sentence is: »I want to make sure I have understood you correctly.« The sentence shows appreciation for the other person, and that can work wonders.